Star Wars (Game Boy)

Ah, Star Wars; the golden child of sci-fi properties.   The name just oozes a higher standard in every category it’s involved in; so why wouldn’t an original Game Boy title, released 15 years after the movie’s release hold up to that same high standard?

It’s harder than Johnny Drama in the Playboy Mansion.   Why is this game so freakin difficult?   It begins with Luke hearing that the R2 unit his Uncle just purchased is gone and you landspeed across a vast desert with roaming Banthas and spinning bells in your way; you have to traverse a series of caves picking up pieces of ??? and collecting the members of your group.  R2 is first on the list and the list almost ends there.  These caves are an endless maze of jumping and falling and there’s no map system; no way to tell where to go except mindless trial and error.  It’s a huge turn off as a game player.  After nearly 3 hours, I finally got through it and found the little bugger only for him to reveal he’s actually the property of a Ben Kenobi.   DAMN R2- SAY SPOILER ALERT NEXT TIME!

This is where I give up; you now have to go through a whole series of caves and collect, again, I don’t know what they are, until you find the right cave where Old Ben himself is hiding.   I never found him; he still resides in that cave and our miraculous space opera never takes place.   The one redeeming quality is this game has the classic music from the original movie; but why do they play the Cantina music when I pause the game?  I’m no even at that point yet!

 

A list of things easier to do than beat this game:

  • perform open heart surgery….on myself
  • get Margot Robbie’s phone # (not a fake and screw you @realmargotrobbie6969)
  • try and explain what the fuck Midichlorians are

 

 

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