Strap in and grab the snacks and drinks: we’re going through video game history (chronologically, of course, the only way to travel)
You see that pile of brown shit in the middle of the screen? the one steaming like it just got laid; it’s an awfully comparable image to this game. I don’t know what the hell was going on here. Check out the bar graph at the bottom of the screen; if we were going to work on spreadsheets, I just would have played Wall Street Kid and enjoyed my last 17 minutes.
One of my childhood treasures; at first looks of this game, it looked to be the Tetris version where Mario was shoehorned in; but, this is much, much more. And replaying it now, I’ve actually got a higher appreciation for this game. I love the look of this game; the old school pill bottle that junkies used to carry in the 30’s, I’m guessing. The tricks you pull off with the sequencing of the colors and pills to knock out th viruses; so much fun to be had and in a way, is better than Tetris. But, it’s not like a million games didn’t copy that formula with it’s own twist to be unique; it just so happens, like most things in video games, Mario does it better than everyone else.
Sega Master System
I sort of detest first person plane games. The controls are usually indecipherable. Sometimes even taking off (and landing) are a complete disaster. But, After Burner figure it out; show me my plane, let me do rolls upside down and give me an intuitive firing system to blow the shit out of enemy planes. It’s so simple! And look at those graphics; some of Sega Master System’s best!
Kinda Crushing On It
Robocop versus the Terminator
I don’t know about you but this screen shot don’t look like no Game Boy I ever played. It is an awakening almost to see these graphics in full detail because on my screen, those buildings look like rain-soaked large boxes. And look at Robocop; there’s nothing menacing about him; wait until you control him; awful jumping, I guess trying to mimic all the jumping he does in the movie. I actually used to play the Super NeS version of this game quite a bit and this one disappoints on every level.
Would Rather Drink Garbage Juice Than Play
We grew up on comic books and even though this character looks like a gas-head we would have hated reading about, he’s your hero in this comic book come to life and it’s really innovative, You literally climb, jump and punch your way from panel to panel, page by page, with a story unfolding before you. The art story is one of a kind and once you get the play and items to use down, this game plays like a really unique RPG hand to hand fighter. Ah, ponytails and goggles; Cool is such a fluid term in the history of the world.
Game Boy Color
Dracula- Crazy Vampire
I’ll be honest; I kinda was digging this game right off the bat; the animation style, the labyrinth like world you’re traversing, the pretty darn amazing music, made me feel Karloff (a new verb I invented to describe something awesome and horror related but the old school horror). Then, I got lost. Over and over again. It took some time to figure out just where and why this old undead f*** didn’t know his way around his own damn house!
The combat system I found to be super easy and the upgrades and puzzles kept it interesting for my time with this interesting title.
As I Said, Karloff, just feeling Karloff
It’s weird; Am I a fan of seeing people bash each other’s faces in during a contact sport? Sure, Yes, All of the Above. Am I fan of ice skating? No, not at all, none whatsoever.
But, this is Hockey I’ll play! It looks simple; because it is. But what’s wrong with that? All I could ask for was for the Game Gear graphics engine not to completely mud up the whole image; and it has succeeded in that task. The gameplay is a bit underwhelming as well but it’s not overly complicated and I like that in a sports game.
Completely and Totally Average
Ok, ok, ok, ok………..Ok, as much as I love breaking through buildings, when am I going to fight a monster? Oh, that blip is them, okay, on my way. And we’re walking…….and we’re walking…..and we’re walk…..enough of this crap!!!!
(4 hours later- turns the game back on)
Wanting to control Godzilla is every god damn American’s ambition so I’m not giving up…..
(48 mins later)
Finally made it Ghidrah! Alright, monster on monster action…..
(4 mins later)
That wasn’t anything like I was expecting or hoping. Feels like I Just watched Episode I all over again…except at least this time I didn’t spend over $100 on merchandise in the months leading up it
Frowny Face Disappointment Pants
Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem
You are Alexandria Roivas and you are in Rhodes Island, scouring your grandfather’s mansion for clues as to his mysterious death; a secret door opens and reveals a hidden room inside the mansion. Digging through his belongings, a strange book is found bound in human skin and bones. You open up the tome and begin reading…..
Quite frankly, there certainly wasn’t at the time or isn’t today, a game like Eternal Darkness. It’s a horror survival game in the vein of Resident Evil, but with a constantly unfolding narrative spanning centuries and allowing you to take control of characters throughout history to reveal new parts of the history of this world; it all revolves around a group of Ancients and summoning them together to control the world and stopping this plan. It’s all very Lovecraftian.
I played through this game back when it released and needed and wanted to experience it again; it’s a masterpiece. The game’s most memorable feature, is a Sanity meter; as different events transpire and the game progresses, the game will “glitch” on you at some points; the mansion doorbell will ring and no one will be there, you will find yourself walking on the ceiling, statues will follow you and your controller will stop working. It takes you to the edge of madness and doesn’t allow you back.
This is a hell of a creepy game and I dug going back through it and you will too.
Made Me Pee My Pants..and I Wanted More (and a change of clothes)