After the party, this happens:
Thugs 1 & 2 confront Chris & Jessie:
Thug 1 ” Give us the briefcase. We know you have it>”
Chris: “What briefcase?” (exasperated)
Thug 2: “Hey don’t play dumb with us. You want to play dumb? We can get real dumb!”
Jessie: “He’s not playing, and I’m guessing neither are you. (To Chris) Remember the one the Wiser told us not to open. Square, black, in your trunk.”
Thug 1″Go get it out of your trunk, now!”
Jessie “You’re not getting it. We’re keeping it for a friend.”
Thug 2 “Well, fine, we’ll kick your butts and take it, then.”
Chris; “Oh! I get it, for a Friend! Now, I know what you’re doing (to Jessie, who looks confused)> Lou! Help us, Buddy!”
All of a sudden, Lou the Bat flies through the air, the screen goes black, and you hear groans and noises going on, as the screen fades in, the Thugs are down and Lou is lying on the ground by Chris. Jessie looks super confused as Chris picks up Lou.
“I told you, man; I so told you!”
Jessie; ” Let’s just get out of here before the cops show up. I’m not going to jail for a bat.”
Chris; ” I would”
They get in Chris’ car and pull away.
Chris; “I’m calling the Wiser to meet us at Gold Star tomorrow and tell him we have to open the case; it’s getting to crazy.”
Jessie; “Good idea. Tell him what just happened, as back up since we’re going against his advice.”
Chris; “Sure thing, man.”
Gold Star Chili, next day
Jessie; “Where is he?”
Chris; “I don’t know but there’s Jen at our booth>”
They walk over and sit down.
Jen: “What’s with this briefcase?”
Chris; “What briefcase?”
Jessie; ” Don’t start. (to Jen) How did you hear about it?
Jen” “Bob and me went out to eat last night. I go to the bathroom and two strange girls stopped me and said to meet them here today. They said you should bring the briefcase or else! I thought they were drunk, but I already did my yoga and latte today, so figured, what the hey.”
Chris; “Or else what? Did they say?”
Jen: ” I don’t know but I figured you would?”
Jessie “Were they cute, by any chance/”
Then, Sherry walks in carrying the speaker with the cloak over it
Sherry: “Hi guys”
She puts him down in a high chair at the end of the table. she starts strapping him in when he starts coughing.
The Wiser; “No straps. I wish she would stop treating me like a baby. I’m not helpless. I can do stuff for myself. Gosh. Anyways, what’s so important you needed me to meet you here?”
Chris; “We’ve decided to open the briefcase.”
Jessie;”We got attacked last night. Two thugs came after us that wanted it. We think there’s something important inside.”
Chris; “Besides, the movie’s almost over.”
Chris, Jessie and Jen all stare at the camera for a second.
The Wiser: “All good points. Sure, I’m curious; let’s see what’s in it.”
Jessie; “The guy that gave it to us usually hangs around here; we were hoping he might show up.”
Jen “We shouldn’t wait all day though right? I mean, those drunk girls sounded seriously hopped up on something, they could actually show up.”
The Wiser: “What girls?”
Chris;”Ok, Wiser, you and Jen drive up to the alley on the corner of Main street, next to Whitewing Martial Arts School. (when Chris says that, he looks dead at the camera, as if plugging it) Take the briefcase with you and wait for us. Don’t open it until we get there.”
Jessie;”And Jen, you can tell him about the way.”
Jen” What are you two going to do?”
Jessie; “We’re waiting for our friend that got us into this mess.”
Jen” Alright, just hurry up. (she looks at Wiser) So, I just pick you up?””
The Wiser; “Yeah”
she lifts him up, cloak and all. The Wiser giggles like a girl.
The Wiser: “You tickled me, heehee!”
Jen: “Guess I’m driving”
They leave as Chris stands up and says:
“He’s usually outside, so let’s wait out there.”
Outside the restaurant, the boys run into the Femme Fatals. They are both licking oversized lollipops.
Alundra: “Hi, guys. My name’s Alundra and this is my friend that I sometimes kiss, Sasha.”
Sasha; “Well, hello.”
Chris; “Nice to meet you ladies. My name is….uh (looks at Jessie) what’s my name again?
Jessie; “Jessie, no, no, his name is Jessie, I mean, my name is Jessie. HIs name is I wish I was that lollipop.”
Chris: “Right, you two, you know, I don’t mind saying, are very attractive.”
Jessie;”Yeah, there’s something about you two, something special.”
Alundra; “we get that a lot.”
Sasha: “So what are two studly hunks like you doing here?”
Chris; “We’re waiting for someone, a friend.”
Jessie; “We wanted to give him something back that’s his.”
The girls walk over to Chris and Jessie and start rubbing on their shoulders and chests.
Alundra: “Really? What would that be?”
Chris;”Well, we shouldn’t really say…
Jessie blurts out “A briefcase!”
Sasha: “A short, goofy guy stole a briefcase from us the other day. You think that’s him?”
Jessie; “It could be >
Alundra: “You know, if you guys could get it back for us, we’d be very, very grateful.”
Sasha;”We would owe you a favor. A big favor, I hope.”
Chris; “Heehee, We have it!”
Jessie; “We were just going to get it.”
Alundra:” Good. Do you mind if we tag along?”
Chris; “I don’t mind, do you mind, Jess?”
Jessie; ” I don’t mind one bit.”
Chris; “Good. Road trip! Everyone in my car!”
The Femme Fatals give each other a devilish look.
Alleyway as Chris, Jessie and the Femmes pull up and park. Jen and The Wiser (sitting on a stool) are already there.
Jen audibly gasps: “Those are the girls from the restaurant!”
Jessie; Yeah, great aren’t they?
Jen: “What’s wrong with you two? It’s like if a cute girl shows up, your brains shut off. I thought you liked my friends, Anna and Shelly?”
Chris; “Who’s that?”
Alundra: “Just give us the briefcase and we’ll leave them alone.”
Jen “No way, they told me not to give it to anyone.”
Chris and Jessie are staring at the Femmes like they’re in love.
Sasha: “Give us the briefcase right now or we’ll be forced to kiss them. You don’t know how good we are.”
Alundra:” If we do, they’ll pretty much be ours to do what we want with.:
Jen: “Can’t you guys see they’re seducing you?”
Jessie “It’s really working.
chris; “What’s wrong with a little seducing once in a while? It’s not like it’s going to kill us!”
The Femmes give each other another evil look
Jen: I didn’t want to do this, but you forced me”
She walks over and kicks Chris in the package, then knees Jessie in the gut, turns around and soccer kicks Chris in the face and then punts Jessie in the face as well, breaking his glasses. The Femmes are looking shocked. Chris and Jessie get up, shaking their heads and looking dazed, like they just woke up from a spell.
Chris; “Thanks, Jen, we owe you.”
Jessie; “Yes, only a true friend would KICK THE EVERLOVING CRAP OUT OF US!”
Jen: “I had to. They were seducing you big time.”
Chris; “Well, I won’t hit girls but I know someone who will:
The Wiser; “Me!”
Chris; “No, not you! Lou, take ’em out!”
We see Lou fly through the air again but the Femme Fatals grab him
Alundra; “You are one good looking bat”
Sasha;”My brother had one just like you, but everyone in our neighborhood got jealous and someone stole it.”
Alundra;” I hate to say it, but i’m getting excited; been a while since I’ve had such hard wood in my hands.
Sasha; “I’ve never felt anyone as firm as you before.
Lou drops to the ground.
The Wiser;”He’s fallen prey to the seductresses’ power!”
Jen hits Chris in the shoulder
Jessie;”Am I the only one who finds people treating this bat like a real person just a tad ridiculous?”
Jen: “I’m with you, Jess>:
Chris: “Leave Lou alone, he’s had a rough week.:
Alundra: “Give us the case now….or else!”
We both look frightened and Jessie springs up and looks excited
Jessie; “I got an idea! We’ll play Rock, Paper, Scissors for it. Whoever wins, gets to open the case. If we win and don’t want what’s in it, we’ll give it you. How’s that for a deal?”
Alundra: “Alright, it’s a deal.>
Jessie and Alundra shake hands and as they do, he pulls her in close to him.
Jessie; “He always goes with rock,” he whispers.
Alundra;”You think you can outsmart me? Psssh”
1-2-3: Shoot! Alundra shows scissors and Chris, like always, shows Rock
Alundra:” Damn it, you cheated!”
Jesie; “I told you”
Chris; “I won, whoo! I won. Yeah! Rock, baby. Rock always wins”
Chris and Jessie grab one snap each on the briefcase
Jessie; “Alright, on 3…..1…..2….”
Chris; “Okay, do we go on 3 or 1,2,3, pause then open it/”
Jessie; “It’s on 3. It’s always on 3.”
They both grab a latch and count again.. 1…..2….3
Little Known Toilet Fact w/ the Femme Fatals:
Same white room with a flushing toilet.
Alundra: In the year 1981, a record of dubious honor was set.”
Sasha”2,500 babies were conceived in bathrooms on toilets.”
Alundra; “Also, very interesting is that 100% of these 2,500 babies were also born in bathrooms. Also very interesting is what professions these babies grew up to work in:
Sasha; “51% were doctors, 49% lawyers”
A random guy wanders in and the Femmes get very interested
Guy: “Oh, sorry, I thought this was the bathroom?”
Alundra; “Oooh, I like”
Sasha;”Hello, Mr. Man”
They go up to him and start rubbing his chest and shoulders, then ….
We cut back to them opening up the briefcase; for some reason, when we come back, all the characters from the movie so far are all standing behind them.
1…….2…….3! They open the briefcase and a yellow dog jumps out! Pick suddenly appears
Pick:” Thanks for finding my dog!”
Everyone is looking stunned and has a dumbfounded look on their face. Mimi still has that Mel Gibson poster. Anna and Shelly are on roller skates for some reason skating around and the Crazy Guy is popping up behind everyone, even though he’s supposed to be dead.
Jessie; “Wait a minute, there’s something else in here”
Howie; “What is it?”
Sasha; “Can we seduce it/”
Alundra: “Can we kill it?”
Chris; “I’ve never seen anything like it!”
The Wiser: “Could it be the meaning to life?”
As the camera pans from behind the briefcase to around in front of it, it zooms into the actual case and we hear Jen say
“Why is it running backwards?”
We see the toilet water again, running backwards. We look up and see the guy from the beginning holding up the mirror again.
Mirror Guy: “Sorry. I didn’t think you were coming back.”
He gets down from behind the toilet and walks off screen as the credits roll.