Toilet Act Four (starring everyone!)

Chris and Jessie split up, Jessie going to the right and Chris to the left.   We follow Jessie as he comes to the aisle where he thought the stuffed animals should be but he can’t see any.  He walks up to an employee.

“Excuse me, do you have any more stuffed animals?”

Female Employee: “They should be in this aisle but I guess there aren’t any left.  Sorry.”
Jessie: “Yeah thanks.”
He walks out of the aisle and spys a fluffy white rabbit up on the very top shelf.  He tries to reach it but it’s just too high.  He looks around and grabs a gun with plastic darts off the shelf and loads it up.  He shoots darts up in the air to try and knock it over with but it goes over the top of the aisle.  He hears a woman scream.  He puts the gun down as the woman walks over and pulls the dart out of her blouse and throws it at Jessie then smacks him across the face.

Chris is at a jewelery counter

Jewelry Lady: “Would you like to look at something?”
Chris; “No, just browsing.”
He sees a glass bird balancing by it’s beak on a glass piece.  It seems like it should fall over but it’s perfectly balanced.  Chris flicks it and it stays balanced.  He bats at it like a cat but it still stays up.  He smacks it a bit harder and still can’t get it to fall off balance.  Frustrated, Chris smacks the crap out of it and it goes sailing off and we hear a woman scream.  It’s the same woman.  She walks over, throws the bird at him and smacks him now.

Jessie now has a baseball bat and is trying to reach up and knock the rabbit towards him but he accidentally pushes it off the other side of the aisle.  It falls into a bin of rubber balls.

Chris is now wearing an extremely goofy pair of glasses.  He sees a good looking woman coming towards him.  He takes them off quickly and moves back over the jewelry counter pretending to look at something.  They both look at each other and she smiles at him.  He grabs a bottle of perfume off the counter and squirts some on his hand to smell it.  He does it again, but this time he squirts himself in the eye.  The girl is watching and looks at him like he’s an idiot.  He acts like it didn’t squirt him as she walks away and he freaks out how about how badly his eye hurts.

Jessie is now carefully opening the ball cage trying to get the animal out without spilling everything; one starts falling so he puts it back, then another comes out until finally everything spills out.  He grabs the rabbit but not before he slips and falls a few times.

Chris is now trailing the cute girl around the store, hiding behind bra racks , bumping into people, knocking things over.

Jessie walks by the beanbag aisle as he sees someone sitting in one asleep.  He stops and looks at him.

Jessie:” Excuse me, excuse me, sir. Hey buddy (he says now shaking him)
Leisurer: “Hey, pal.  What are you doing?  Can’t you see I’m sleeping here?”
Jessie; Yeah I do see.  But,why?”
Leisurer: “Why not?  It’s as good a place as any?”
Jessie; “It’s a store?  How long have you been here?”
Leisurer: “All day”
Jessie; “All day, what, you, uh, work here?”
Leisurer: “Nope, I don’t work here.”
Jessie:”You don’t work here but you’ve been sitting here all day.  Do you work at all?”
Leisurer: “Nope.”
Jessie; “Oh, I get it.  You’re lazy!”
Leisurer: “Lazy, no; I’m not lazy.”
Jessie: “You’ve sat here all day, doing nothing.  That’s lazy.”
Leisurer: “No, I’m leisuring.”
Jessie; “Leisuring?  What the heck does that mean?”
Leisurer:”I’m taking a leisure.  Just sitting back and watching life.”
Jessie; “You are so full of crap.”
Chris almost walks by but notices it’s his friend.
Chris; “Hey, Jess.  Let’s go.”
Jess: “Oh, alright  Have fun leisuring.”
Leisurer: “Thanks.  I will.”   He looks at them as they walk off and say s”Some people will never know true happiness” then shuts his eyes again.

Scene 2- Chris ‘car

Jessie pulls out the remote again.

Jessie: “Cool, we go the gifts.  So, fast forward…”   The scenes zip past back to us picking up Jen at Gold Star.

Jessie;” Hey Jen, Chris is in the car.”
Jen: “Alright, I”m ready to go.”
Jessie; “Okay, let’s party.”

As they all get in the car, from the back seat, Pick pops up out of nowhere.
Pick “Howdy!”
They all 3 scream loudly!

Jen: “What in the name of Princess Toadstool?”
Chris; “How did you get in here?””
Pick: “Have you seen my dog?”
Chris looks at his friends and says “We’re going to have to make one more stop.”

You see the car pull up in a Hardware store parking lot.  next, you see Chris & Jessie’s backs, then they step away and show Pick with duct tape over his mouth.
Chris: “Okay, better.”

Scene 3

The car pulls up at a skating rink.  As they start to get out, Jen nods at Pick

“What are you doing with him?”
Chris; “Bringing him in with us.”
Jen: “Are you joking?  He’ll ruin the party!”
Jessie; “You won’t even know he’s there; just ignore him. Hey, maybe someone will know where his dog is.”
They escort Pick in and as soon as they get in the door, they rip off the tape and all 3 of them run for it.

Once inside, two guys yell Happy Birthday Jen!

Its’ her friends Howie and Stan.

Howie: “Oh, this is going to be fun.  Looking around, I, yeah, I thought so.”
Stan: “What?”
Howie: “It’s always like this.  Always.”  He seems to be getting agitated.
Stan: “What is it?”
Howie: “So, it’s just me.  Great.  Okay. I’ll play the “role” (he makes air quotes)”
Stan: “Out with it!”
Howie; “I’ll be the Jewish guy tonight.  I”ll just be over here, being neurotic and safe, not skating, just eating a bagel or something.  Every single party I go to I’m that guy.  With my little frizzy hair and nasaly voice.  Okay, guess that’s where we are tonight.”
Howie looks over and Stan’s gone.

Jen introduces Chris and Jessie to two girls.
“Hey guys, this is Shelly and Anna; we all go to dance class together on Thursdays and Sundays.  These are my two good friends, Chris and Jessie, I’ve been telling you about.”

Chris and Jessie look at each other with excitement .
Chris: “Hello, Anna.  So, you’re a dancer?  Y’know, I’m a dancer of sorts.”
Anna; “Really?  I wouldn’t think so being completely superficial and judging you by your appearance, haha.”
Jessie; ” Yeah, we have some moves.”
Chris : “yeah, getting jiggy wit it.”
They both start doing the Will Smith dance.  The girls laugh at the ridiculousness of it.

Shelly: “Well, Jen said you guys were goofy.”
Jessie; “Jen?  Telling lies again?”
Shelly: “It’s a good goofy.”
Jessie; “Jen’s so truthful , it’s like annoying sometimes, you know?”
Stan walks up
“Anyone ready to skate?  It’s the only place to go where Howie isn’t complaining”

Everyone puts skates on and Jen’s friends are really good; they are skating all over on the carpet waiting for everyone else.

Jen “I’m going to wait for Bob; he’s bringing Mimi with him”
Chris; ” Oh, lord, get me on the ice.  If Mimi gets in proximity, I’ll die in these skates”
Anna; “You guys ready?”
Shelly: “Yeah, let’s see what kind of moves you have on the floor?”
Chris; “We’ll be ready in just a minute”
Shelly: “Okay, we’ll be waiting”

Chris and Jessie look at each other and give a Sweet sign

Chris; ” Dude, these girls are so hot!”
Jessie; “I know!  Curse Jen for keeping them to herself.”
Chris; “okay, time to impress!”
Jessie; ” YOu skate much?”
Chris ” No, but it can’t be that hard.”

They both stand up with skates on and immediately fall over onto each other.  They get up and slowly make their way over to the rink floor inching their way as to not to fall again.  Right as they go to get on the rink, they slip,fall, get up, stumble and can’t stay on their feet.  They look over and see a group of teenage girls laughing at them, and can hear them calling them “losers.”

Shelly and Anna skate up like pros.
Anna; “There you are”
Chris; “If you’ve been looking for us, you probably didn’t think to check the ground.”
Shelly” Oh no, can you guys not skate/”
Jessie; ” Of course we can.  We were just….looking for Chris’ contact lens.”
Chris; “Yeah”
Anna; “Well, let’s go !”

Chris and Anna, then Jessie and Shelly go off skating together with the girls trying to keep them up when they look wobbly

Chris; “So, you’re a dancer?”
Anna: “Yeah”
Chris; “How long?”
Anna: “About 3 years now”
Chris: “Really?  Jen’s been dancing for 3 years
Anna; “yeah, we actually all joined up at the same time.  We’ve all probably known each other about 5 years though”
Chris; ” I’m just now finding out about you and Jen’s known you for 5 years?  I’m going to have to talk to her”
Anna “Well, I was in a serious….”
Mimi:” Hey guys!”  A bubbly blonde skates up and interrupts the conversation
Chris; “Mimi!  Hey, Jessie totally had something important to tell you.  We’re really busy here.”
Mimi: “Okay!  Rad”
She skates over to them
Mimi “Hey Jessie, so what…”
Jessie; ” Oh hey Mimi, is something going on?  We are so deep in this really important conversation right now, so…”
Mimi: “Well, yeah, actually I was going to tell chris but Jen stormed off into the bathroom.  As soon got here, her and Bob got in this huge fight”
Jessie; “And what should I do?  They fight all the time.”
Mimi: Be a good friend and go talk to her>”
Jessie;”Well, as I said, we’re kinda bus…”
Shelly: ” Come on, let’s see what’s wrong”
Jessie; ” Great idea, as I was about to say Mimi, look out so I can go check on her.  Everybody skates over towards the bathroom as Pick appears again

Pick: “Howdy guys.  Are these your girlfriends?  I had a girlfriend Poppa made me once; Straw-Heather.  She was real swell.”
Shelly: “Oh hi. Do you guys know him?”
Chris; ” Him?  No, I’ve never seen this person in my life.”
Jessie; “This person is literally the strangest of any stranger I think I’ve ever met.”
Pick: (to Shelly, Anna and Mimi): Have you seen my dog?”
Anna; “In this skating rink?”
Chris speaks up as Mimi was about to say something: “Mimi saw a dog!”  and lightly shoves her towards Pick.
She grabs him by the shoulder and leads him away
Mimi: “Do you want a Coke?  I’m buying.  Seems like you’ve had a rough night.”
Pick: “What’s a Coke?”
Mimi: “Where are you from?”
Pick: “Have you seen my dog?

As the friends all move over towards the bathroom door, Jen pops out!
“Let’s open presents!”
Bob is at the DJ booth in the middle of the rink with a microphone
“Jen!  This one’s for you!”
He gets down and is in a purple and silver jumpsuit;  he starts doing this strange interpretive dance and everyone is stunned looking at it.  Jen looks shocked beyond all belief.  But, she loves it and runs out and joins in in a huge embrace.

Scene 4  – End of th eparty

Jen: “Thanks for all the gifts everyone; especially my little Bobby-Wobby.  Yours was cool too Stan.”
Stan; “For a woman, you can never go wrong with a poster of shirtless Mel Gibson holding stuffed animals with money coming out of his jeans.”
Anna;”Hey, Shelly, you ready to go?”
Chris; “HeyAnna, can I call you?”
Anna; (giving out her phone number) “Sure, give me a call this week.”
Shelly (to Jessie0″ This was cool.  I had a fun time.’
Jessie ” Yeah, it was cool hanging out with you. Maybe we could hang out next weekend again, just us?”
Shelly: “yeah, I think that would be cool.””

The girls look at Chris and Jessie and they are wondering if they should lean in for a kiss.  They look around and see Jen kissing Bob; they see Howie and Stan making out with two of the preppy girls that laughed at them earlier, they see Mimi kissing the Mel Gibson poster, then they see Pick sucking on the top of a Coke bottle.  Before they can do anything, both Anna and Shelly kiss them.
Anna; “You’re sweet.  Somehow we were going to kiss even if this is our first meeting.”
Chris; “See, I was going for that ,but like at an angle, like a 63 degree angle.  It’s the best angle for a kiss.”
Shelly: “I hope that’s cool.  I kinda like being in control.”
Jessie; “If that’s control, I’m all about it.”

They say bye and the girls wave as they leave.

Jen: “Bob’s driving me home.  Thanks for everything. You can thank me later, in free dinners for the introductions.”
Jen kisses them on the cheeks and starts to leave.  Bob has an arm full of presents and can’t really say bye.  But, they hear the noise of bye as the walks by.
Chris; “Gold Star?”
Jessie;” Sure, I’ll have a coney or two.”

 

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