Toejam & Earl, Moonwalker & Joe Montana (Sega Genesis)

Toejam is a Wiener!

Earl is a Dufus!

Get familiar with these insults- they are your levels in the game.  These two gelatinous looking goofs are from Planet Funkatron and they love to get down to a fresh beat.  Unfortunately they can’t find their ship; explore a seemingly endless number of levels with different map configurations to find the pieces while avoiding Hula Girls, crazy Doctors and Hamsters in Giant Wheels, all while collecting presents that could help or harm you in your mission.

I always had fun with this game; got to enjoy it with my daughter this time around and despite it being a tad difficult for her to navigate on those skinny walkways without falling back down to the next level, we had a blast exploring this world and using it’s unique system of finding presents, the ship pieces and your way back to the elevator.

Scores:

Playability/ Controls: 6.5 (Smooth moves)

Graphics (Passable)

Music- 7.5 (Funky)

Replay Value (Totally Bro)

Originality (one of a Kind)

Final: 75%

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Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker

Michael!  Hindsight being 20/20 the game while completely innocent can come off a bit gross in the eyes of more imaginative gamers.  You’re Michael Jackson, in a suave white suit, kicking and punching stardust, knocking out gangsters while rescuing tied up children from stage to stage, all to a bitchin soundtrack of your own original hits; did I mention everyone spontaneously busting out into dance and a monkey riding your shoulders?

Playability- (Smooth….criminal)

Graphics (Bad….Who’s Bad?)

Music- (Thriller)

Replay Value (Another Part….of Me)

Originality (Beat It…in about an hour)

Final: 72 %

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Sports Talk Football Starring Joe Montana

Line up and slug it on the green while coordinating complex plays and tackling everyone in sight while you play through a season, championship or an exhibition.  Joe’s there to lead you through an amazingly immersive football experience for 16 bit.

This game was at the forefront of sports games for home consoles, esp. in 16 bit land for a while as it gave you complete control over your own plays, your own team and who you wanted to control on the field.  The clear cut graphics and intuitive gameplay would being a cycle followed up by Madden games of exactly what a football game should include for years to come.

Scores:

Playability (Kickoff)  7

Graphics- (Touchdown)  7.5

Music- (Incomplete Pass)  3

Replay Value (Field Goal) 5

Originality (Reception)  7

Final: 59%

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